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Ryan

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Sunday Self-Satisfaction [14 Dec 2003|10:33am]
[ mood | satisfied ]

Wow, so much going on in the world (Saddam Hussein captured--unbelievable!), it's hard to focus on my own life.

Still, what else am I going to focus on?

I've actually accomplished a couple things in the past few days, and although they may seem small in light of world events, I can't help being pleased.

I finished my first column for Kevin's website, for one. (Here's the link for anybody interested: http://boybandfic.org/column.html) I concentrated on what I feel is the similarity between reality TV and real people fanfic, and it was a lot of fun to write.

Then I got an inspiration about a fic from a crazy conversation Peter and I had a week or so ago. And I wrote it! It's the most graphic, blatantly sexual thing I've written since I got into fanfic--but it also was a hell of a lot of fun to write. And this morning I was completely surprised with an email from Nik nk_seashore that he'd made a banner for the thing and sent it to Kevin--and it's now up at the website!

The banner is as outrageous as the fic--maybe moreso, in a way. It's one thing to write about something, another to see the picture. For those of you interested in meeting "Blackie," a 13-inch double ended dildo, go to http://www.boybandfic.org/12Inches.html. Ohmygod, I just did it to get the link, and I can't believe it still!

I really should have given Nik part of the dedication in the first place, because the photo he posted of the Backstreet Boys at the Billboard Music Awards a few days ago was a big part of the inspiration for the fic. I certainly have never considered myself a Nick Carter fan (who figures prominently in the fic), but I couldn't get it out of my mind. And now this banner! (I hope Kevin won't kill me if I update the dedication.)

Anyway, the fic is called "12 Inches." I haven't heard from Peter since I posted the thing, so I can't wait to hear what he says about it. (Hope he keeps PJ away from it.) Nik said it was one of the most outrageous fanfics he'd seen in a while--and he was so obsessed, he had to finish the banner before heading to church services with his family. (So ask me how a guy can even go to church after making a banner like that one?????)

I got a completely wacky private feedback late last night from one list where I posted it that basically said it was a "good start" (it's a one-of-one, btw) and they didn't really understand it. Okay --

Speaking of the site, Kevin seems obsessed with keeping things current and adding new features. That place is amazing. It should be a great inspiration to the authors to be hosted at such a fun website--I know it is to me.

On other life issues, I'm actually sending my resume out to a couple San Francisco firms after the first of the year. We'll see what happens. In the meantime, the Christmas plans are the same as Thanksgiving--I'm celebrating with my 'new family' in SF. I'll take off Wednesday morning and spend the weekend.

Gotta run--got shopping to do, laundry to do and several emails to catch up on. But I'm feelin' good today--not 12 inches worth, but good!

Ry (who isn't really a sick puppy at all, for those who are now wondering)

3 comments|post comment

"Average" Joe? [01 Dec 2003|11:14pm]
[ mood | pensive ]

Okay, I've been enjoying Average Joe, for whatever reason. I just had no idea that to be "average" meant to be so insecure and so damn snarky. I've ended up completely disappointed in all the original guys, and now I hope the chick picks the inane cute dude instead. She likes him for one reason only. He's cute (with zero personality). And right now it seems the best reason to pick him.

Is a completely null personality better than an obnoxious one? I'm thinking yes, at this point.

I guess I'm cuter than an "average Joe." I've never really thought that much about it until watching this stupid show. Now I think it's a fine line. Maybe it's only in your own mind, as opposed to in the mind of somebody else.

Yeah, I'm short. But I've never really cared that much about it. I never believed being a short guy contributed to my sexuality, although I've certainly read it a few places. Maybe there were a couple times in school that I wished I were taller when it was time to compete in a sport or something. But to tell the truth, it must not have left a lasting impression (or maybe I just chose sports where it didn't really matter that much).

I hope if I were ever on a reality dating show, I'd hate my competition more for their personalities than their looks. I used to believe that when the chicks were doing the picking (like on The Bachelorette), the competitors themselves were less bitchy (because obviously they were guys). Even in the case of Boy Meets Boy this seemed to be true.

But these average Joes are just as bitchy as the girls. And their own insecurities make them harder to bear. When the sniping at the "fat chick" started tonight, it reminded me that it's one thing to feel bad about yourself, it's another to build yourself up by tearing somebody else down.

The fat suit trick was very tricky, overall. I mean, if this had been tried on other shows, I wonder how many people it would have taken out. Funny to see somebody as superficial as this Melora or Medora (or whatever her name is--I can never remember) all worried about how people accept her when she's fat. That's a different reality, altogether. Maybe it'll end up being the most important thing she learns from the whole experience, aside from the fact that she's just as superficial as all the guys who've been after her all her life.

So I'm talking to myself about this, here in this journal. I doubt I'll actually have another human being in my life who watched it or gives a damn. I think the ratings themselves have been far below "average," so we probably won't see another incarnation of this particular show. (And we'd never see a roll reversal, regardless, because there's no way the American public would put up with a show where all the girls were less than hot.)

So, once again Ry tries to learn an important lesson about life from reality TV... (If you find that pathetic, you're forgiven.)

This is giving me a great idea for my column at Kevin's website. I need to start writing that.

I miss Peter and PJ tonight. I called Peter at the end of the show, but he hadn't watched, so he couldn't comment on the fat suit stuff. (That Peter! Seems to think the fact that it's World AIDS Day should be more important than the latest episode of a reality dating show. Go figure.)

Later.

2 comments|post comment

Damn, it's "Big Decision" Time! [30 Nov 2003|11:33pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

What a great weekend! Actually, it was more like six full days of a good visit to San Francisco. We had a great time with Milo and Missy, and it was nice to meet a lot of Peter's friends. And Peter didn't work every damn minute I was there, only every-other-minute.

I even wrote a quick fic while I was there in answer to a challenge on the Cluben list. (I couldn't resist, Joey fatjoey. Thanks for the idea!) PJ and Missy put me up to it, really. (Now PJ wants me to write a Tarzan fic!)

So, here's the 'big thing' and the reason for this post: Peter wants me to move to San Francisco! He wants me to move in with him and PJ and be "part of their family." I guess this is tantamount to a proposal, although he didn't really put it that way.

And I'm feeling as jittery as I was when he first wanted to get together. I'm not sure what I should do or say. I fretted about it all the way back to L.A. This is no small thing, because it means giving up my whole life and lifestyle. I'd have to find a new job, which is never easy. I'd have to say goodbye to my old haunts, my condo, my friends, the beach and the southern Cal sunshine.

I'd have to settle down!

I just don't know if I'm ready.

Yes, I love Peter. And he knows that, so none of this should come as a surprise.

And I love PJ. He's a great kid, and he feels like a little brother to me already.

But will I be the same Ry that Peter fell for if I move in? Won't some of the stuff he's so attracted to be changed by these major changes in my life?

What about the old saying "Familiarity breeds contempt"?

As tired as I am, I think I should open a bottle of wine and snuggle up in front of the TV. I'm going to have a tough time falling asleep tonight!

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Peter? Uh, no. [26 Nov 2003|07:38pm]
[ mood | happy ]

That is, it wasn't Peter getting home in my earlier post. It was Milo & Missy arriving! So I did get a kiss (from Missy, the little doll), but it wasn't exactly what I expected.

Yeah, Peter got home by 3:30. By then we had all eaten a burger, but that didn't mean we weren't ready for dinner again three hours later. Missy and PJ hit it off like I knew they would, and Missy immediately started to charm the pants off Peter. (And Milo had some great game-playing advice for PJ.)

Peter's got a big dinner planned for tomorrow. I think we'll have around a dozen people, and I'll meet some of his friends I've never met. Yeah, the thing is catered, but we'll have turkey (along with seafood). I'm going semi-casual -- jeans, t-shirt and nice jacket (with cowboy boots).

I'll call my mom in the morning and check in with her, and probably call Dad later in the day. It's not a big deal with either one of them, since we rarely do a holiday 'thing.' Dad's usually traveling, and Mom volunteers. (In case I've never mentioned, they aren't married to each other and haven't been for some time.)

Missy's fretting about her daddies being without the kids for the holiday, but she generally frets a bit about things. She'll be cool by the time the parades start, and she can talk to them on the cell phone. (She's excited to see Clay and Ruben in the Macy's Parade, cuz she "loves" Clay.)

We're gonna play some kind of 'family' game tonight -- not sure what, but it has to be good for all ages. (Have I ever mentioned that Peter is one of the most patient men I've ever met? He's really lovely.)

Peter and I are running to the store before we start the official game-playing, so I gotta go. (I'm really into this domesticity.)

Ry

2 comments|post comment

I'm hosted! [26 Nov 2003|02:07pm]
[ mood | horny ]

I haven't mentioned how cool it is to have my fic (as sparse a collection as it is) at Kevin's kevinr website, www.boybandfic.com. Wow. I really feel honored to be up there with authors like Nik nk_seashore and Joey fatjoeyfic!

I'm in San Francisco as I write this, using PJ's computer (he got sick of playing, I guess). PJ's new game is Civ III Conquests.

The weather is coolish (high 50s, which is cool for me), but okay.

Peter had to work a half day today, so I'm hanging with the kid. The "half day" should be over by now, but no sign of him so far.

Oh, I'm also sharing a 'column' at the website with Kit Alexander (another hosted author). Not sure why I was chosen for this, but I'm looking forward to it. Kit posted a column yesterday, so it's my turn next!

The Idol Christmas special was dismal, in my opinion. What was wrong with Tamyra's voice? What was wrong with Kim's voice? Clay sounded good, but I didn't like the choice of songs. Overall, it sucked. (And why don't they give up on those American Juniors?)

Trista and Ryan start the road to wedded bliss tonight, but I doubt I'll get Peter to watch it. Oh, well. I'll see the actual wedding.

I should have finished my witch doctor fic today, like I planned. But I just didn't get around to it. I picked up a book of PJ's and just got caught up in it. It's amazing how much the kid reads -- it's humbling!

Hey, I think I hear Peter home! Hurray. Gotta go get a kiss.

1 comment|post comment

"Why don't he write?" [18 Nov 2003|12:02pm]
[ mood | awake ]

Just like the line from 'Dances With Wolves' (when they find the skull of some pioneer left on the prairie), someone, somewhere is saying, "Why don't he write?"

Why indeed?

Don't know if I just haven't caught on to the whole blogging thing or if even I was getting sick of seeing my life through reality TV shows and Lifetime movies. Seems like there was never much substance to anything I had to say.

And yet . . .

And yet, if it hadn't been for LJ, I never would have met a lot of different people on line (including Peter and PJ).

Work has been a muthah. There have been a few days where the whole staff ended up sniping at each other, just from the stress of client retention and looming deadlines.

Things have definitely settled down now, and I feel like I can lift my head up without getting it lopped off.

I was doing so well on my diet/exercise regime, but naturally I've totally relaxed since Halloween. If I don't get back to it, I'll be a typical American slob by New Year's.

Can I just mention that Dennis Quaid in 'The Big Easy' is one of the sweetest pieces of candy I've ever salivated over? I can't decide if it's the abs, the eyes or the mouth. But I thought I'd make a point of it since some cable channel reminded me last night.

And will I end up regretting that I didn't watch 'Joe Average' from the beginning? Yeah, I'm kinda watching now. But I'm not paying all that much attention.

So, will Massachusetts really allow gay marriage? I bet they find a way out of it (cynical little me).

Well, lunchtime, and I'm running down the street and picking up Britney's new cd. I love the dance flavor of the stuff I've heard so far.

Ry

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Good News! [20 Oct 2003|01:31pm]
[ mood | awake ]

No, I didn't get a new quote for my car insurance, I got last week's episode of The Bachelor. I had missed it, and I found it on the Family Channel (or whatever that ABC/Disney spinoff thing is). I couldn't believe some of his choices, but at least I saw the rose ceremony. Since the prior week had been something of a two-parter (with no ceremony), I had been pretty bummed to miss it.

My latest obsession is Newlyweds on MTV. Tomorrow is the last episode of the 'season,' so I'm a little solemn. What makes the innocuous life of these two gilded, innocuous people so damned fascinating? I find it hilarious, for one thing. And I remind myself that her dad is a producer on the show and somehow they believe this dumb image will have a positive effect on her overall career (which music-wise, is not that hot).

Just in case somebody thought I had actually gotten a life and left TV behind, forget it! (The really amazing thing is how I can manage to cram so much dissipation into my TV-watching schedule!)

Anway, I'll be glad when the OC is back and the (yawn) World Series is over. Baseball. Please. (Why can't they have better uniforms, somebody explain to me!)

I'm taking Friday off next week and heading to San Fran for PJ's b-day. I'll spend Halloween weekend with them. This is a big deal, since Halloween is a major holiday for my set. I'm looking forward to it, though, and I can still dress up (because PJ's b-day gathering is a costume party). And how often can you hang out with a lot of twelve-year-old kids?

I'm working on my costume now. Well, in my mind, anyway.

Back to work!

3 comments|post comment

Happy birthday, Peter! [07 Oct 2003|12:23pm]
[ mood | awake ]

I spent the weekend in San Francisco to celebrate Peter's birthday. Fun, fun, fun, and we didn't even have a T-bird.

Well, he seems to be fighting a bug again, so I'm glad we got the celebrating done early (hope it didn't lead to him getting sick)! Of course I missed Kit's fic deadline, but he's being nice and waiting for me (since most of the list couldn't care less). I've actually made some progress on the fic (Simon/Ryan, natch).

I'm starting to think I've got ADD, the way I jump all over the place.

Did I vote this morning? Did I vote for Aaaanahhld? What do you think? (Hint: Yes, I voted.)

PJ's b-day is coming up fast, too. 12 is a great age, guy! And what fun to have a b-day on Halloween.

I saw the most haunting movie last night, "Lost and Delirious." These two young women attending a girl's school together were in love, and of course the consequences were trying and tragic. Piper Parabo was amazing, and it must have been the debut of the actress from my favorite soap, (OC) Mischa Barton. That movie will stay with me for a while.

Gotta get back at it. Sell, sell, sell.

Later.

1 comment|post comment

Remember me? [22 Sep 2003|01:24pm]
[ mood | busy ]

Who, me?

Yeah, I know it’s been ages since I’ve written in here. I go and hook up via this journal, and then I abandon it! What kind of person does that? So now my journal seems like nothing more than another of the many dating tools that Ry keeps in his arsenal. And it was never meant to be!

Peter and I are still enjoying each other, talking a lot. We last got together over Labor Day weekend, and we’re talking about next weekend (October 4) now. We’ll see.

I’ve been working my tail off (I wish it showed). My team is launching a big campaign, and it’s been evenings and weekends. I’ve been so tired, I fell asleep during the first night of Survivor Pearl Islands!

Anyway, yes, I’m still alive. Thanks to those of you who have checked. I don’t really have an excuse for dropping the journal ball, so to speak, but I guess it was the only thing I couldn’t juggle.

(What's with the new design? I thought I was in the wrong place!)

Anyway, I’ll try harder! I always do.

3 comments|post comment

Just drivel-- [13 Aug 2003|02:07pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Okay, will the dude from Who Wants to Marry My Dad really marry the woman the kids chose? I don't know and maybe don't care that much. They of course picked the one I liked less, but I expected that. I really had a love/hate thing going for those kids, anyway. And there's something weird about their whole relationship with their dad.

Boy Meets Boy is heating up. One straight guy left. I couldn't believe Dan was straight! And the guy pretending to be bisexual (which pissed everybody off, natch) was also straight!

Yeah, the kid playing Ryan (nice name) on OC is very hot. He has a definite Colin Farrell/Russell Crowe thing about him. He's bound to be a huge star (like Leo DiCaprio being discovered on Full House or whatever sitcom it was).

I'm really not caring anymore about FLOM2. Not that I ever really *cared*.

Colin Farrell is compelling in 'Hart's War.' I saw it on cable the other night.

On the *Not Drivel* side of things, I miss Peter a lot. And PJ. And I really appreciate all the nice thoughts and comments I've gotten from my friends about it. LJ can be such a warm place sometimes.

Wow, I can hardly keep my eyes open today. You'd think now that I'm back to protein and working out, I wouldn't feel like a zombie. I guess drinking wine, eating mass amounts of food and lying around in somebody's arms are much healthier pursuits! (which really shouldn't surprise me at all!)

3 comments|post comment

Back home-- [11 Aug 2003|12:14am]
[ mood | mellow ]

Just finished my laundry and thought I'd catch up a little on line.

What a week it's been! I can't believe it's over. I'm in some kind of culture shock right now.

I've had so much sun, so much food, so much wine and so much love, I can't think straight. This is going to be a very long, tough night sleeping alone again.

I think one of the best feelings on earth is that comfort you feel when you just click with someone physically and emotionally. I think I'm going to be sniffing for Peter's smell for the next few nights (as weird as that sounds). The smell of his skin or hair or whatever it is just makes me feel so warm inside.

Anyway, I guess this is to let my friends know that despite the frenetic pace of our nine-and-a-half days together, we managed to find some calm in the storm and really get to know each other. And I think PJ kinda liked me, despite himself. I liked him.

I've managed to only email Peter a couple times (about our new Simon Cowell fanfic list at Yahoo Groups, mostly). I think I'm showing a lot of self-control.

Better get some beauty sleep. It's back to the salt mines (what are salt mines, by the way?) tomorrow!

8 comments|post comment

Wednesday already? [30 Jul 2003|02:12pm]
[ mood | busy ]

I totally forgot about Boy Meets Boy last night! Luckily I happened to be at one of my favorite hangouts by 8:00 p.m. and they were playing it, so I got to see most of it. I called Peter and told him to turn on Bravo, and he watched it.

Peter and I both were a little put off by the ‘twist’ of having some of the guys be straight. Seems like a mean trick, really, but probably no worse than giving the winner an option of choosing money. And in some ways it could "break down some barriers" (as I’ve heard described), because the straight guys are supposedly learning something about the gay guys. The straight guy who was eliminated last night had some good things to say about it, but that may have been a bit contrived.

(Interesting that the friend (the "fag hag" who hates to be called that) could feel something "different" about the straight guy who got eliminated.)

I hate this whole gay/straight labeling thing (with the name and status supered on the screen). Can’t help but wonder--what about the ‘in-between’ guys (the dreaded bi guys, like myself, who don’t really fit any particular label)... Oh, well. No point in getting into that can-o-worms!

Just got back from a business lunch with some TV production guys. Interesting stuff. Now I feel bloated (at least I ate meat and lettuce!).

Better see if I can get this to post and get to work. I’ve had some trouble getting into my LJ today.

Only two days to go! (My god!)

Is this a disjointed entry, or is that just me?

3 comments|post comment

Tuesday-- [29 Jul 2003|12:11pm]
[ mood | amused ]

Tuesday. In three days it'll be Friday! (Time flies when you're preparing to have fun? Not usually it doesn't!)

I'm starting to think Erin (of FLOM2) is an idiot. She definitely can't carry her own show. And she needs to work out or something. She's a stick, but she has no muscle tone.

Now I'm rooting for her to choose a guy who chooses the money. She'll get nothing, and the guy will get the $$. (Of course, it's only $40,000 a year for 25 years or something, but it's still money!) (What's the thing with Rob being back? Puhleeze.)

Who Wants to Marry My Dad is far more entertaining! I'm loving that show. I especially like the sons and their wacky way of looking at things! (And having Penn & Teller make the one woman disapper was priceless!)

So, tonight it's American Juniors. Wednesdays are far less entertaining now that we're done choosing America's Top Model. I'll probably tape AJ and go out. Or just skip it altogether if I don't make it home.

I'm tanning and working out about 6:30. Then I'll go grab a glass of wine or something. (I'll never make it home in time to tape AJ anyway!)

Hey, I'm overdue on obsessing about clothes for my trip.

I'm mostly going casual, jeans and one nice pair of slacks. One nice jacket (maybe medium blue or black) and a leather jacket (probably tan or brown). Boots, tennies and a pair of dress shoes. Then ts (yellow, blue, black and white) and two white shirts. And a swimsuit. No tie.

And my most fun undershorts--I've got too many to choose from!

Now, bear in mind, I can change this any time, because the middle of this "trip" is back at my place--so I just need enough for the first few days, then a couple days' worth for PS.

Time to head to dentist and get my pearly whites their whitest.

My boss is in a hilarious mood today. The man is really funny, in a quiet sort of way. I appreciate that in another human being. Thank God most of the people I work with are fun and creative!

Later.

2 comments|post comment

Wow. Peter. [28 Jul 2003|08:58pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

Here I've been so lazy lately, not really writing anything that wasn't work-related. And today Peter writes a Ryan/Simon fic ... in Ryan's p.o.v. for God's sake!

Great little fic. Very hot. Very clever really. It reminded me of something I'd write, not to sound obnoxious. Took me by surprise, actually. (Also made me wonder if Peter would be asking me to shave him when we finally meet. You have to read the fic to understand that one.)

I'm still eating and not sleeping much. Maybe it is about next week.

I got the time off approved.

I got the bonus (not as much as it could have been, but enough to pay for a nice little vacation).

I'm flying to San Francisco for a couple days, we'll see the sights, take a little wine tour (I'm a merlot fan), then we're all driving (in a rental) back down here for Disneyland and other kid stuff. At the end of next week we'll drive to Palm Springs (in my car) for two nights, and Peter and PJ will fly home from there.

That's the plan. Ambitious, yes? Sound a little manic? Maybe. Yes, a lot of driving (which gives us time for tunes and talking). I do love a road trip. This will probably be boring for PJ, though. I can't help but wonder.

A day or two at Disneyland (Peter thinks PJ will be sick of it after a day, but he isn't sure). We'll cram into my condo (hope the sleeping arrangements have worked themselves out by then), and I'll get a chance to show Peter my favorite haunts. Then, after another drive, a nice resort hotel in Palm Springs (where we've already booked a suite). It'll be hotter than hell, but the rates are good this time of year, and the pool and bars will be fabulous. (The kid will have his laptop.)

Wow. I can't believe I'm going on a family vacation, my first in 15 years! I'll be spending eight days and nine nights with a guy I've never met and his eleven-year-old son!

(And who said the internet was a dangerous place?)

So what needs to clear up by then?

The bruise on my left knee where I bashed it when I got into the shower yesterday.

The bump (dare I say "pimple") inside my left ear that doesn't show but drives me nuts.

No rashes or other booboos worth mentioning. No ingrown hairs, blemishes, rashes or anything of that nature.

My hair is a good length. I could probably be leaner, but I won't sweat it unless I keep eating carbs for the rest of the week. (Do guys cycle? I could swear I'm doing that.)

I'm getting my teeth cleaned tomorrow. And I'm tanning Tuesday and Thursday.

And I'll start obsessing about wardrobe at around 11:00 a.m. tomorrow, just to keep on some kind of schedule.

I catch a late-night flight on Friday. Peter's picking me up at the airport alone, and as I write this, I'm getting a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach anticipating that moment. I'm a little breathless just thinking about it.

Ohmygod.

What if I don't want him at first sight? Or, what if I do, and he doesn't want me?

Can't we just fast-forward to PS and snuggle up in the suite already?

Skip that last. I can't wait for that first sight at the airport, and I wouldn't want to miss a second of it, regardless of my neuroses. Damn. I hate that you can't meet people at the gate anymore. But he's going to be waiting just past the security checkpoint. And he says he'll wear a pink carnation or something so I'll know it's him.

(No, it would be anti-climatic to just email me the photo.)

He's really a doll.

Time for FLOM2. He promised he'd watch it tonight and either email or call me.

I'm starting to feel a little emotional. There's some sense of inevitability about this whole thing.

The guy is going to love me.

(It's PJ I'm worried about.)

4 comments|post comment

What? It's been a whole week! [25 Jul 2003|10:46am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

Boy, I’ve really been out of it this week. I’m eating too much, I haven’t worked out, and I haven’t been sleeping much. Last night I slept a lot, but dreamed and dreamed and dreamed. In one dream I had a cancerous tumor in my chest that was inoperable, and I was getting so I could barely breathe. It was so damn real, it freaked me! Then this morning I was trying to email a friend and warn her about something, but I couldn’t get the email to work.

No, this is not about Peter’s visit. Really. It’s just a mid-summer lull, I think.

And I’m watching waaay too much reality TV. I’m even into those kids picking out a wife for their dad, not to mention Paradise Hotel and FLOM2.

I just hate American Juniors. Why keep the worst kids around to perform over and over? It’s painful. I like Ryan’s hair, though. And he was a bit nipply the other night in that blue t-shirt.

I want to write some fic. I have so much stuff whirling around in my sleep-deprived head. But at the current time, I’ve never been stupider (not a word, you say?). Something is really screwing with my short-term memory, because I can't hold a thought from one room to another. Thank God I still have some creative juices here at work!

Speaking of work, back to it ...

1 comment|post comment

Yeah, we're gonna do it-- [18 Jul 2003|10:16am]
[ mood | excited ]

Peter and me. (Peter and I?)

We're going to get together, that is.

We're actually making plans.

I'm calm. I'm cool. I'm collected.

Deep breath.

I'm ready this time. Believe it.

4 comments|post comment

Ignore this. I'm venting. [16 Jul 2003|10:11pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]

Okay, I rarely bitch. Right? Well, right. I'm not out to gripe and moan about my life and job, because both are pretty good. And even when I don't connect, the love life thing is okay. And I enjoy my on line stuff, the lists I belong to and all.

So, all in all, everything's cool.

But I just have to say something about this situation at work right now. This woman is definitely out to get me, or she just loves rubbing my nose in it. And I'm starting to take her crap far too personally.

Sometimes you want to complain about someone, but you just can't. You have to suck it up, even when you know you have a right to do more. This woman doesn't have the position I have, the responsibility or the ear of the boss. Maybe it's her very powerlessness that makes her attack me in small ways. (Okay, I could just say she's jealous, but that sounds a little too high school.)

I like to think I don't sweat the small stuff, as the saying goes. But actually, it's the small stuff that gets to me. Big issues don't really phase me. This Chinese Water Torture thing of little digs every single day is wearing. And my big smile is starting to look a little strained.

Today I just looked at her and said, "Enough, Elaine." And even though I was still smiling as I said it, my eyes weren't.

And she shut up.

We'll see if it lasts.

2 comments|post comment

Fantastic new icon! [14 Jul 2003|08:02pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

I'm using any excuse to post, so I can use the fabulous new icon Czar Nikky made me nk_seashore. Wow. I feel honored and touched!

(And, yes, Mistress Marilyn, I happened to catch the Carson roast where Madonna made the hilarious comment about "her" --Ryan Seacrest-- and Carson. I nearly fell off my chair.)

Tonight's the big night! (The start of For Love or Money 2.) I was sure the babe with the fur boots would get her own show, but I'd rather watch Erin. Still, she's bound to lose the $2 million. Hope they're paying her something, so it will be worth giving up the $1 mill.

My favorite bar is doing a FLOM2 night, but I don't think I'm going to make it there. I'd have to change my shirt and get my butt in gear right now, and instead I'm sitting here.

I think I'll email Peter instead, or call him and insist he watch FLOM. He'd love that! (The last I heard, early today, he was fighting his son's cold bug. Hope he gets well soon, poor baby!)

Hey, Peter, try boiling some grapefruit (skins and all), and then mixing the juice with honey and whiskey. It's some kind of tonic, designed to help you break out in a sweat when you drink it.

Wait a minute--I can think of a better way to get you in a sweat! And it doesn't leave a nasty taste in your mouth.

Enjoy the icon! (Thanks, Nik!)

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Out of it-- [11 Jul 2003|11:59pm]
[ mood | blah ]

It's after midnight, although you can't tell by the time on this post, and I'm wasted. In kind of a good way, I guess.

I had such a long day and a long week--more in a mental way than anything else. We're designing a campaign, and it just takes so much of the brain. I don't have any left over. The last hour of the day, I couldn't do anything but surf the internet and wait to hit the traffic (which was brutal and so tiring). And it suddenly seemed really hot and hazy.

I'm bitching now. And I'm feeling fat tonight. (Yeah, I know guys do not say that. But I'm bloated and fat and that's all there is to it.)

I'd love to be cuddling right now. With someone other than my teddy bear.

Yawn. G'nite.

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This is no surprise-- [08 Jul 2003|10:29pm]
[ mood | amused ]

Pomeranian
What Common Breed of Dog Are You?

brought to you by Quizilla

Or is it?

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